Becoming Comfortable in One's Own Skin

The opening line sets the tone and plot for the novel.

'Nineteen years before she decided to die...'

The story opens in a library. Nora has recently quit swimming but Mrs. Elm, the librarian, is telling her she still has her life ahead of her.

Then Mrs. Elm gets a phone call that appears to announce someone's death.

Next chapter, nineteen years later, 'Twenty-seven hours before she decided to die...'

Clear question, how will Nora die?

The answer is, she's committing suicide. But just before that happens, she finds her beloved cat dead in the road. She assumes it was hit by a car and she blames herself.

When Nora ends her life, she finds herself in a Midnight Library with the librarian Mrs. Elm. But not the Mrs. Elm Nora knew.

Nora is in a kind of pre-afterlife. The library is full of books about what her life could have been had she made different decisions. But the biggest book is called the Book of Regrets. The last one being her regret about how her cat died.

Nora is given the chance to go back into her old life and undo that regret. She discovers the cat wasn't hit by a car; it went outside to die in a way that wouldn't upset her.

That regret is eliminated from the book of regrets.

This section of the book revolves around the question of whether Nora will be able to resolve or fulfill her major regrets.

She steps back into a life where she didn't walk away from a band just offered a record contract. She finds herself in a life as a super star rock singer, but she notes she still has the scars of a suicide attempt and she has prescriptions for psych meds.

In another life, she married a young beau who offered her a life in a country inn in Colorado. That regret is resolved when she discovers her husband is having an affair.

In another life she won Olympic medals in swimming and became a motivational speaker but she still feels unfulfilled so it's back to the library.

Just when I thought the novel was becoming predictable, Nora comes across another almost after life traveler who had done hundreds of lives. He explains the concept of the multiverse, where he choice we make creates a new world.

Nora comes to understand she can pick a life and stay in that life and not return to the library. Instead she goes through dozens of lives. The different lives teach Nora that she is learning about herself.

That frames the question, will Nora find that life and stay in it?

She does find a life where she has a loving husband and a daughter she loves. Nora wants to believe she's meant to stay in this life but something calls her back to the library.

This frames the final dramatic escalation of the novel. The library created by Nora is now disappearing in flames. Mrs. Elm gives Nora a pen and a blank notebook. Nora must write something that will give her life meaning.

She does.

'I am alive.' Nora now finds herself in the moment after she took suicide pills. She wakes a neighbor and gets medical help in time.

What Nora has learned to appreciate in what was called her root life, the life she wanted to escape with all its pain and regrets but was true to herself.

Nora now is able to organize her life around wanting to live and accept herself.

It has been a hard fought and hard won journey.

The focus on suicide made this a difficult read for me at times, but it also made Nora's acceptance of herself uplifting and fulfilling.

Nora no longer has to live her life as an unbroken string of regrets but an ordinary life that is deeply felt.

That's a message that should resonate with many readers.

©2022 Bill Johnson