Rate of Revelation
by Bill Johnson

What makes one story seem fresh and vital, another familiar and worn? Often it's an issue I call rate of revelation. Are your readers being engaged with new, fresh information, insights, illuminations, as your story moves toward its fulfillment? Because a writer can overlay their own feelings over their stories, they don't always see that information that seems fresh and vital to them might not be so to their readers. Like so many elements of storytelling, a writer might need to write out the actual rate that new revelations are being made visible by their character's dialogue and story events.

These revelations might come about as a process of a story's plot exerting new pressures on characters, so they must react in new, uncharted ways. Or the escalating level of conflict in a story generating new, powerful feelings in characters, which generates fresh insights about them.

A well-written story will present a flow of information/revelations to its audience to engage their interest. Each scene in a story, then, should have some purpose, some fresh information about the story.

Pulp Fiction is a film that offers a series of revelations, one after another, to create its effect of life as a series of events with unpredictable, dramatic outcomes that weave together to form a dynamic tapestry.

Pulp Fiction, in brief, is the interlocking stories of several people operating in the underworld of Los Angeles. Characters intermingle and the story moves backwards and forward through time, always offering some fresh new insight, some new surprise. One particular revelation occurs in a story about Bruce Willis as a fading if still tough boxer, and his girlfriend. One would expect such a man to have a worldly, tough girlfriend, and when she's first introduced, she seems tough. Then, moments later, she smiles childishly and asks him for "oral pleasure." It's a small moment, but one that defines her, and it defines him, not just as a character, but as a character who would be with someone like her. Very deftly done.

The Terminator is another film that consistently offers an escalating series of revelations. The story, in brief, is about a cyborg from the future that has journeyed to our time to kill a woman who will be the mother of a man not yet born. In the future, this man will lead humans in fighting against the tyranny of machines attempting to destroy all humans.

The Terminator sent to our time is part human, part machine, almost impossible to destroy. Opposing it is a single solider from the future with the mission of protecting Sarah Connor, the future mother of the savior of the human race. The Terminator's mission, her destruction.

The story progresses as a series of revelations that revolve around what it will take to stop the Terminator.

It gets up after being hit repeated by shotgun blasts in a bar.

It gets up after being run over by a semi.

It gets up after being blown up in a tanker truck explosion.

It keeps moving after being blown in half.

The revelations around this question, what will it take to stop this thing, continually escalate the story's dramatic tension. Always, when it seems some way has been found to stop the Terminator, it rises and again pursues Sarah. And with this pursuit comes an escalation of the drama the viewer feels over the story's outcome.

I would invite writers seeking to create revelations in their own stories to study these films. Count the actual rate or revelation, the actual number of times expectations viewer's expectations are confounded, new information revealed, new depths of the story appearing that give a twist to what's come before. Some writers labor in their stories to work toward one O'Henry type, stunning revelation, without understanding that even a simple story has a certain flow of fresh, new information. A story that builds to a single revelation can seem simple and not particularly engaging; especially if the reader sees the revelation coming.

If you're writing a Pulp-Fiction type story, how often are you confounding character--and reader--expectations? In a story like Pulp Fiction, revelations can be found in every scene.

To create revelations in a story, keep in mind that a revelation can work on several levels.

In its most basic form, a revelation answers some question raised by the story or a character.

In Stargate, questions are raised, then answered by a revelation that raises new questions, that are answered by new revelations. Thus, someone engaged by the story is pulled deeper and deeper into the story to get to that final revelation/resolution of what's at stake in this story.

Because a story is unlike life, having a purpose shaped by the storyteller, a revelation can be a powerful experience for those engaged by a story. An example of that from a recent movie, the central revelation scene in The Crying Game. But note how carefully viewers were set up to experience this revelation. And also how deeply enmeshed this revelation was in this story about the nature of why we love who we do.

Note, then, that a revelation must further the movement of the story itself toward its fulfillment. Writers can stumble when they use a revelation to reveal what's at stake in the story. But, to be story-like, a revelation should provide a deeper insight into the action of the story and what it means...not used to assign meaning to what until then had been inexplicable actions by a story's characters.

Rate of revelation also can be found in great works of art, but in a way that explores a much deeper level of feeling and meaning.

In The Dead, a short story by Joyce, a man who considers himself an intellectual comes home with his wife at the end of an evening of entertainment. He intends another act of intellectual grandstanding for his "simple" wife, only to realize he's misread her mood. She hasn't really been anticipating his wisdom and insight about the evening; she's really been in a memory of a young man who told her he loved her in a poignant way shortly before he died. This turn of events strikes him deeply. He turns away, realizing his wife feels on a deeper level than he. As snow covers the countryside outside, he feels the deadness within himself, and all the other sophisticated dead people in the world. It's a stunning revelation crafted by a master at the height of his powers. It speaks deeply to the human condition.

In Moby Dick, we find a whole series of revelations about the extent that Ahab will pursue the great white whale. In the end, this man who seemed to be on a noble quest dives deep, deep into the darkness of madness, and Melville crafts that revelation so that as Ahab dives into the depths tied to Moby Dick, we feel that descent into utter madness, we share that journey.

Both Moby Dick and The Dead speak deeply of the human condition. Pulp Fiction could be likened to beautiful jewelry that excite us; the revelations of The Terminator could be likened to a hand powerfully squeezing our adrenaline glands.

The difference between these stories is the difference between high art and popular entertainment, between entertaining us with spectacle and asking us to thoughtfully consider our notions of what it means to be human. But the writer who would aim at either type of story must understand rate of revelation, story and movement, as well as the other elements of the craft of telling a story.

The following will be my review of Stargate. I'll point out the story's elements as I go over the movie scene by scene. Then I'll make more detailed points about how the film works as a story and how the movie is put together.

The premise of Stargate: "Human ingenuity defeats oppression."

Again, the purpose of this story's premise isn't to describe the characters in the story, but the story itself. But individual characters should have a personal premise that ties their individual goals into the overall premise of the story.

A brief rundown of the movie, scene by scene...

Stargate opens with mysterious shots of the stargate, unexplained. The music is both uplifting and ominous, building to the voices of slaves and a view of what we will later learn is RA's head-dress.

Even in the credits, we're given a strong hint of what this movie is to be about both by its name and what we see under the opening credits.

The story itself opens in 1928, in Egypt. Notice the archaeologists speak German, the workers, Arabic. A quick way to make the point about how different we can be, even on Earth.

The girl is introduced clearly in the background, then she's given the Amulet which will play such a major role in the film. Notice that the Amulet is clearly shot by the camera. It's meant to be remembered.

Then we see the gate, but have no sense, other than the title of the movie, what it might be.

Quickly cut to the present. Little girl as an old woman (we see the Amulet) attends a lecture by Spader (Jackson in the story, but I'll refer to people by their real names). Spader very, very quickly has his ideas about ancient Egypt and the pyramids shot down.

The scene has a point to make about Spader, makes it, and it's over.

In the next scene, Spader's offered a job. It's simply presented, quickly, cleanly, that he needs the job; he has no money, no grants, no place to live. No scene wasted to establish his background. Dialogue very focused and to the point.

Next scene, we see Kurt Russell and learn about the death of his son. Again, focused, brief. No wasted dialogue, no unnecessary set up.

When the officers leave, we learn that Russell's son died by a gunshot, and that's why Russell grieves.

Next scene, in Colorado. Spader sees ring of stargate. Another revelation.

Notice that how these scenes are all built around some revelation of new information. We see the full stargate, then we find out what it is, etc.

Spader, in his element, goes to work to understand the stargate, immediately understanding more than others, so through him we have a revelation about the nature of the stargate. Note that Spader is allowed to reveal the correct answers, even though he hasn't been part of the team before. He's operating in a system where his knowledge is acknowledged and used because he's right, not because of who he is. Thus, his ingenuity is recognized and rewarded, which ties into the story's premise.

Spader figures out the true purpose of the stargate, only to have Russell step forward and take control of project. He simply takes over. Again, it suggests some sense of danger about the use of the stargate, anticipated fear, but does not explain it.

In these first several minutes of the movie, the major characters have all been clearly and strongly introduced. This sequence ends the introduction phase of the movie.

Two weeks later, Spader figures out what others couldn't in two years. Seeing an astrology chart, he has a revelation and breaks the code of the stargate, but we aren't told what he's learned yet.

Next scene, Brass show up. Quick movement.

Spader explains the purpose of the stargate, a revelation. Only then is he allowed to see the gate. Spader explains how to make it work. Where before, they could only go to stage six, Spader explains how to get to stage seven, which opens the gate. Another revelation.

Stargate opens, military sends in probe that gets location across galaxy. A well-functioning team of humans, working together for a common purpose, has discovered the purpose and function of the Stargate.

New questions, can they get back through gate? Spader says yes. Because he can give assurance to get back through the gate, the mission is approved. Old woman gives him amulet.

Russell, soldiers and Spader pass through stargate.

At this point of the story, we've reached plot point one, that point that Syd Field talks about where those in the story are committed to a course of action. Once these soldiers and Spader go through the gate, they must figure out how to operate it from the other side and fulfill the mission and the story.

They enter this new world, which is another set of revelations, a double moon in the sky, etc. But now a whole new problem arises, Spader needs tablets to understand how to get back through the gate. So we have a whole new set of complications that Spader must use his ingenuity to overcome. At this stage, we're introduced to the individual soldiers, but they aren't established powerfully or clearly.

Russell, meanwhile, works on what is clearly a bomb. We don't know why it's there, but its purpose raises a question in our minds. What's it going to be used for? So, first we have a revelation (that Russell's brought a large bomb on the trip), that leads to a question. Why? And the answer to that question will come in the form of another revelation. It's a basic pattern for how this story is told.

Spader then goes for his ride with the ox-like creature, and the native city is discovered, another revelation.

Notice how the boy who will be important to the story is pointed out by the camera, as well as the girl who will be important later.

When these people see the Amulet, they worship Spader, another revelation. Spader sees symbol, eye of RA. It matches the symbol on Spader's amulet.

A sandstorm then blows in, and the group in the native village is cut off from the base camp. The soldiers in the base camp retreat to the pyramid.

The girl is offered to Spader. At first he turns her down, then he realizes, has a revelation, that he must accept her. Then he bonds with her. Then she shows him the symbol he needs, and he asks her where she's seen it.

The soldiers in the pyramid realize something is approaching their position. They fight, but are captured. We just have a glimpse of one of the alien soldiers. Again, a revelation that leads to new questions that will lead to new revelations. But it does answer one question: are all the natives friendly? No. Now we know Spader and the others have something to fear, although they don't. So the audience is set up to understand something the story's characters aren't in on yet. So the audience feels the suspense when Russell, Spader and the others return to the pyramid.

Russell, with the natives, begins to bond with the young boys. Very important, as that is what drives his character on a deeper, personal level, because of the death of his son.

The girl shows Spader the symbol in the cave. Because he accepted her, he's gaining knowledge.

The captured soldiers are taken into some kind of chamber. Again, revelation about the nature of the pyramid, but again leaving questions unanswered that will be answered by further revelations.

Russell shows a young boy his lighter.

Spader, seeing the symbols, explains who RA is. We see a recreation of the alien's time on Earth, learn about its existence. That RA was an alien who possessed a boy to live his life through the boy. That the mineral the natives mine was used to create the stargate, but on Earth, there was a rebellion, so RA brought slaves to this world to continue its existence, outlawing writing so there could never be another rebellion, i.e. there would be no expression of human ingenuity allowed on this world.

Again, revelations.

But the seventh symbol that Spader needs is missing. Again, we get part of a revelation, that leads to another question being raised, which calls for another revelation in the future to answer it.

Russell, Spader, soldiers return to their camp, followed by children.

They see Pyramid is ship, a revelation. They go inside. Fighting breaks out. Russell wants to set up bomb, but can't now. Alien soldiers appear and Russell, Spader, others captured.

Space ship opens.

Russell, Spader led to altar. Again, revelation about the true nature of space ship.

When they reach altar, we finally see RA and his retinue. Again, a revelation.

We find out RA has bomb, and learn why Russell brought bomb, to destroy gate. A revelation.

We see that captured soldiers are now in RA's retinue, a revelation.

Russell gets weapon, but he can't shoot through children to get at RA, because of what happened to his son.

Russell is thrown in with other, captured soldiers.

Ships go out to blast natives.

Spader escapes being changed over to being part of RA's retinue.

Spader and RA talk, and we learn RA plans to send bomb back to Earth with mineral so it will ruin gate on Earth by generating a major explosion, and RA will be left undisturbed as a God. Another revelation.

To prove his power, RA explains that he must publicly have Spader kill his friends, since natives have worshipped Spader.

Children gather at pyramid with adults to watch execution. Children have guns. So where a gun took his son's life, now young boys with guns have come to save Russell's life. A battle erupts.

Russell, Spader, others escape back to native's camp.

RA is angry.

Spader asks Russell why he wants to die in the bomb blast he plans to set off.

Russell bonds with a young boy. (This must happen if he is to overcome the death of his own son.)

RA kills trooper and takes his life force through the top of his skull. A revelation about how RA maintains himself and why he's attended to by children.

Boys laugh at Spader, that he now has wife. (I need to point out that it wasn't developed about Spader that he was seeking a wife, or companionship, so this doesn't quite match up directly with his personal premise, his ingenuity and knowledge being recognized.)

Spader sees boy trace missing symbol, a revelation. He now has seventh seal.

RA soldier comes to native camp and is killed. Natives now know they can fight back, a revelation.

RA awaits mineral to destroy Earth.

Spader, Russell, soldiers come with caravan. A firefight erupts.

Russell assembles the bomb. It will go off in seven minutes.

Spader's wife is killed.

Russell and RA soldier fight.

Spader takes wife to chamber where she can potentially be revived. He revives her.

Outside, retarded boy dies.

Russell and soldier continue to fight. 3:17 to go before the bomb goes off. See how the time pressure is used to add urgency to the movie's outcome?

Soldiers outside surrender.

RA surprises Spader and starts to take his life energy.

Russell and soldier continue to fight. Russell brings down rings, killing soldier, saving Spader.

Russell can't stop bomb.

When soldiers outside surrender to RA's soldiers, natives show up and attack. Because of seeing the ingenuity and courage of men from Earth, they have learned to fight against their oppressors. This ties directly into the premise of the story, that human ingenuity, the ability to learn, defeats oppression.

RA, seeing the battle turn again him, flees in his ship. Russell figures out a way to send the bomb up with him, so it is RA the alien who is destroyed, not the stargate.

Russell is now saluted by the young boys. He is thus healed of the death of his son.

Spader decides to stay with his wife.

Emotional send off.

We see amulet. Russell and the others pass through the stargate, which ends the movie.

End of story.

While this issue of revelations is well done in Stargate, I do have a problem that we aren't told clearly why the stargate is feared. Because it's not established that the stargate is inherently dangerous to humanity, what's at stake over the outcome of the story isn't made clear until late in the story.

Secondly, Spader's premise is that he must find a way to be recognized for his talents. So the climax of the story is that Spader figures out how to work the stargate. But the fulfillment for Spader's character is that he has found a wife. But this was never raised as an issue early in the story. Therefore the story wobbles a bit with its fulfillment, and is not quite as affecting as it could have been. If Spader's desire for a relationship been made clear and part of his personal premise from early in the story, this story element would have been more effective. Russell's need to find a way through his grief over his son's death is clearly laid out and clearly dealt with by the action of the movie.

My main point about this story in terms of its structure is that what's at stake with the stargate being opened, the potential destruction of the Earth, is not made clear early in the story. One sees all these military people about, but no explanation for what they fear is offered. If it could have been raised as an issue, that some marking on the stargate threatened danger to Earth if the gate were used, the story would have generated more suspense and drama.

This ties back into that issue that the story moves forward mainly by revelation, which is more common in science fiction than other types of storytelling. This means we're always been offered new and fresh and engaging information that asks questions that we need to stay with the story to get answered. If they had taken just a bit more care about setting up the story itself, I think the movie would have pulled in a wider audience.

Many of the other elements of the movie, acting, sets, special effects, plot, were effective and well done.

The plot of the story serves to set up this series of revelations. And every revelation leads to a deeper, more complex question that needs to be answered. Thus we are engaged and pulled through the story through the action of the plot and its revelations, on one hand, and through caring about Russell and Spader, and the native people, on the other, and what these revelations mean for them.

Understanding this concept of rate of revelation, even if it means writing out the actual rate new information appears on the page, can help writers create stories that are fresh and engaging.

©1995 Bill Johnson